Being diagnosed with breast cancer is a frightening experience. Hopefully the following tips
will help you and your loved ones better deal with your diagnosis.
Handling Your Emotions
- Allow yourself to react. It's okay to cry! Feeling shock, anxiety, fear, sadness, depression,
overwhelmed and "numb" are all normal reactions.
- Don’t expect yourself to react a certain way. Every woman deals with the diagnosis
differently based on personality, coping skills and previous life experience.
- Find someone to confide in.
- Try journaling – some women find it helpful.
- Focus on life one day at a time.
- Know that you are the same radiant woman despite this diagnosis, treatment and surgery.
- Attend a breast cancer support group where other women can identify with what you are
going through. Visit www.breastcancercolorado.org to find support groups.
Gathering Information
- Rarely is breast cancer a medical emergency. Take time to gather information and learn about this disease.
- Ask your doctor and health care providers for written information.
- Take a notebook or tape recorder to your doctor's appointments and write down your questions ahead of time.
- Invite your spouse or significant other to come to doctor's visits to pick up what you may miss.
- Don't take too much advice from well meaning friends and family until you have all the facts and your treatment plan in place.
- Be aware that Internet resources are not always reliable or may not pertain to your specific situation. Discuss whatever you learn with your doctor.
- Get a second opinion if it will help you make a treatment decision more confidently.
- Make the best treatment choices with your doctor from the information you've gathered.
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Making Your Health a Priority
- Eat a balanced diet high in fruits, vegetables and grains, and low in fat.
- Exercise regularly. Choose an activity you enjoy such as walking, swimming, or yoga.
- Get plenty of rest and a full night's sleep.
- Choose to work or not work during treatment based on your own needs. Usually your doctor will support whichever option you choose.
- Listen to your body.
- Surround yourself with positive and helpful people.
- Plan for fun times.
- Keep your sense of humor – it’s essential and good for the immune system!
- Check with your doctor before taking any supplements or over the counter medications as they could interfere with your treatment.
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Talking to Children
- Be open and honest with them when explaining the diagnosis in simple terms.
- Keep in mind that their fears are often worse than reality.
- Remember that children are adept at picking up on your actions and reactions and how you are coping.
- Let your children respond in their own ways - children will respond differently based on their ages and personalities.
- Let them know what they can do to help out.
- Assure them that their life will continue as before (as much as possible).
- Look into support groups and books that help children whose parent has cancer.
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Dealing with the Fear of Recurrence
- Don’t expect yourself to react a specific way – women cope differently.
- Remember that while you cannot change your diagnosis, you can change your attitude about it.
- Keep your appointments for follow up once your treatment is through.
- Discuss your fears with your spouse and/or significant other and doctor.
- Face your own mortality – it can help you realize what is most important in life.
- Consider seeking spiritual comfort.
- Take time for prayer, meditation and quietness.
- List your fears and then write down next to each what you are able and not able to do about it.
- Prioritize what is most important for you to do and take steps to meet those goals. Learn to say "no" to the non-essentials.
- Savor life one day at a time.
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Reacting to a Loved One’s Diagnosis of Breast Cancer
- Let your loved one respond to her diagnosis in her own way. Women respond differently based on personality, coping skills and previous life experiences.
- Communicate openly and honestly – it is essential in meeting your mate's needs.
- Allow yourself to react. It’s okay to cry!
- Let yourself grieve along with your spouse.
- Seek out support for yourself.
- Make sure to take care of yourself even if you don't feel like it.
- Help out in practical ways, including attending doctors’ appointments together, helping out with household chores, caring for children, dealing with insurance companies and finances, etc.
- Assure your loved one of your unconditional love and participation in her care.
- Understand that most women find it difficult to receive any assistance, as they are usually the caregivers in their family.
- Allow your loved one to have time alone to sort through her life and emotions.
- Understand that sexual intimacy may be temporarily halted, but the breast cancer journey can present an opportunity for couples to grow in love and intimacy.
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Helping a Loved One with Breast Cancer
- Call or send a card to convey, "I'm thinking of you."
- Don't relay others negative experiences with breast cancer.
- Avoid giving too much advice.
- Take her to lunch, a movie or shopping.
- Baby-sit the children at your home.
- During treatment do things for her that might be difficult; e.g. shopping for school clothes, getting gifts/cards for birthdays or holidays, or taking the children for haircuts.
- Encourage her to do as many of her daily activities as possible. Don't encourage helplessness or "feeling sick."
- Drop by for 15-20 minutes when you can, but call first. Don't assume sickness requires rest at the expense of communication.
- Cook dinner. Offer a choice of two courses and bring the food in disposable containers.
- Make your offers of assistance specific. If you say, "Call me any time for anything," she probably will not ask.
- Offer to run one or two meaningless errands a week for the family. Pick up stamps, milk, dry cleaning, etc.
- Share your humor. Even if it isn't funny today, it may be relished later.
- Allow her to feel sad or express her worst fears. Sometimes the greater part of the cure is the release of fear.
- Say the word "cancer" around her and talk about the real life you are living. This will help her feel more involved with the world of normalcy.
- Most of all, be there for her and don't forget to remind her that you care.
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A Survivor's Lessons
By Vickie Coggin, R.N.
- It was the most humbling and maturing experience of my life.
- I never felt so loved in my whole life by so many people, even strangers.
- I had a sense that even though I was not accomplishing anything - this experience had a big impact on many lives, not just mine.
- It made me face my own mortality and reevaluate what was most important in life.
- I always thought of myself as a "chicken" - this showed me how strong and courageous I really am when faced with a crisis.
- My eyes were opened to an awesome appreciation of life, nature, family and friends.
- I learned it's okay to take time for me and put my health as a priority.
- It made me prioritize my life as to what is most important. I made a list of what I want to accomplish in my life.
- I found the strength to communicate better. It's okay to say "no," and I don't expect anyone to read my mind.
- I take more risks with relationships/work.
- Instead of focusing on preventing the cancer from coming back and not dying I focus on "what am I really living for?"
- I have a unique opportunity to help others like I never could have before, if I had not gone through this experience personally.
- I've learned to surrender to God the things that are beyond my power to control.
- I more quickly forgive and let go of grudges and resentments.
- I don't wait to tell others how much they mean to me.
- I realize how much I love and need my husband.
- My husband and kids are my greatest motivation for fighting this disease.
- I'm well aware of my past and look forward to the future but relish TODAY! I try to live in the present - savoring every minute.
- I had a deep spiritual experience of knowing God's peace, love and care, despite the circumstances.
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